Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads, Step-Dad’s, Father-figures, and let’s not forget, the single mamas!
Our story is unique. But let me make one thing clear. Bree will never be lied to. Bree is abundantly blessed despite being abandoned by her father.
I’m not here to destroy or undermine anyone’s reputation. Our birth story is still being published, but the time is not right. Her father and I went through a lot. He went through a lot watching the life being sucked out of me. He made bad choices, BUT he made GOOD choices, too. As the years pass, as I work with coping mechanisms, as I study not just the disease of addiction and Psychological Disorders – true ones, not labels-, but also the BIBLE, my heart becomes softer. I become less hurt, and more grateful. Grateful that he gave me a daughter. Grateful that he gave me two precious souls to teach me how to be a mom. Grateful that Bree has two half-sisters, that one day might want to meet her. (The brainwashing will eventually come to light). Grateful that he slept in the hospital bed with me. Grateful that for her first three months, despite the bad, there was so much good. Grateful that at one point in time, we were a family. We were a TEAM.
Now there’s a lot of things I could say that my daughter’s dad did wrong. I could sit here in bitterness stemming from pain as I have in many years past, almost every day for the majority of my daughter’s life. However, I’ve grown. I’ve become a better mom…and learned how to play “dad,” too. I think that really has given me deeper appreciation for Father’s, especially my Father (who happens to be the best Father and Grandfather in the world!)
Father’s are typically the disciplinarian, and THAT IS HARD. Frankly, especially as an empath, I hate that part. But, no matter what, I will do what’s in the best interest of our child. That includes not brainwashing my child in order to get revenge (“JAM”).
Our story is tragic. I forgive you. That doesn’t mean “getting away with ‘murder,'” but it does mean to flip my lens. If not for my own self and the people in my life, but most importantly, because my (our) daughter deserves it. Watching me die wasn’t easy. Having your other children used as a tool against you isn’t right. Breaking the law and forcing your minor children to do the same. It’s sick, twisted, and all I can say for anyone reading this is, don’t do it. They’ll know when they grow up.
I have made this vow when Bree was a baby, to never ever lie to my daughter. She’s slowly learning and grasping the concept of the fact that she has a dad, he knew her, and whether it’s true or not, because I’m not a narcissist, I will tell her that he loves her because at one point in time he did. I will never let my daughter, abandoned and even “unclaimed” (unless taxes are concerned) – I will NEVER let her feel like she was not wanted. I also will never brainwash her to think someone else is her biological father. Sadly, that’s not the case with her sisters. And to be frank, that’s something their mom and stepdad will take up with God. It’s not my problem. But he was a good dad to them. If a Judge and Jury were to ask me, I’d say the truth. He loved them. I love them. I will speak my truth. I will stand up for what’s right. I will be the advocate. Even if things are different on both ends, I see the whole picture and force myself to stand back with an unbiased view. Sadly, I’m just not the same person as she was. I would have fought if the other person would have too. I didn’t go find the first man to get a “revenge” card, or take the easy way out just so I wouldn’t be lonely or I could have help and force a “normal” family life appearance. I took 2 YEARS to find ME, so I could be the best person for my child. Sadly though, through the legal and psychological lens, I see a lot of narcissists. Not just one villian. Using children as tools. It’s sickening and my heart hurts so bad that I can’t delete the pictures and videos of children who were happy, and then their world’s were turned apart by the people who should have protected them.
My point here is to be honest. My point is to speak MY truth. My point is to help other women who have been in similar situations to know what to do; because for a long time, (as in YEARS), I didn’t.
DON’T USE YOUR CHILDREN AS PAWNS, SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ANOTHER PERSON, NAMELY THE OTHER PARENT.
The role of a parent is to guide your child, and in my personal opinion, Biblically and spiritually. One day they’ll grow up and say, “why did you lie to me, mom?” I know that Bree will never have to ask me that question.
I’ll touch on this subject later, because I’m already getting the feels. Photos from our happy blended family popped up yesterday and crushed me to the core. Wishing Bree had her biological father to know her and to love her no matter what the situation may be. However, she’s a special miracle, who is so blessed. WE are blessed beyond measure. Everyone in our lives accepts that fact and knows their role, and we all put Bree’s current and future life first and foremost.
I just want to reach out to those who don’t see Father’s Day as a happy time. It is a hard time, just like Mother’s Day. It’s okay to wonder, “what if’s.” It’s okay to be sad, but being angry only harms you, and if you’re a parent, it harms your child. Give it to God.
Now, I’m off to spend time with Bree’s Father Figures, whom she is SO BLESSED to have. A special thank you to my Father for raising me right. For making me feel loved. For giving me his love language of QUALITY TIME. His presence. Love cannot be bought. I am so grateful for my dad – for being like a Father to Bree, too.
So to all the Stand Up Dads, Grandfathers, Father-Figures, Stepfathers, Boyfriends loving someone else’s child(ren) just as their own…and don’t forget: (the Single Moms who play both mom AND Dad – I feel you!) : Happy Father’s Day!
Let’s make love, not war. I hope you get to see your kids today. Moms (ahem), put aside the indifferences with the other parent and even the former step-parent who “saved your children’s lives” on record). Do what is the best for your children NOW and in the FUTURE. Don’t hurt your children just to gratify yourselves. Remember, we were all children. They’ll grow up. They won’t always see your lens or the picture you’ve painted. So please, do what’s best for them. Love them, but let others love them too. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE.
Until next time my friends, NAMASTE
(P.S. MY DAD DESERVES A WHOLE NOVEL OF A POST – AND WILL GET ONE – SEPARATELY…HE IS NOTHING SHORT OF ONE-OF-A-KIND, SUBERB, AND THE ALL AMERICAN FAMILY MAN FATHER. I LOVE YOU, DAD!).
Bomb Yoga Mom 